If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
