he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
