So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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