I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
