maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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