I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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