god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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