I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
