you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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