So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
