I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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