we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
