Sry I called you an 8
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
