It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
