anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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