the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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