Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
