You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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