Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
