I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
