Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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