Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
