never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
