Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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