wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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