Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
