I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
