Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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