matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
