he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
