and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
