Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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