i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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