I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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