Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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