Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
