Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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