Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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