I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
