i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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