I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
