Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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