he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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