You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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