You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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