I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
