I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
