her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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