As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
