my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
