I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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